Time to rise to the fall... and thoughts

(Preface: Most of this writing is not in particular order, but it has what was in my head at the time, and most of you who know me, my mind does not work sequentially or in order according to standard rules of life. Call them ramblings, call them stray thoughts, call them whatever you want, but it does have to do with the topic, You have been warned of non-congruent thoughts.)

I have read Wild at Heart 3 times previous to doing this study with other guys, and just now am I beginning to process and work through the parts of life that the book hits. I know that there is something inside a man the cries out let me be a MAN, but all there is is the hollow echo in my head that just says only if...

Chapter 4 and 5 starts hitting this hollow echo for some, and others it is worse because they hear a louder sound saying your not able to be a man. This sound that repeats itself so loudly is usually the voice that comes from Dad, or a father figure.

Masculinity is past on from man to man and usually takes a long time or a huge event to secure that presence inside of that boy/man. 3rd world countries have initiation into manhood and after that they are treated as a man. No puberty, no insecure ideas from society that says you have to be such and such to be a real man.

Boys become responsible when they are given the responsibilities of a man, and when a man receives the responsibilities of a boy, they either reject it, or shrink back into a lesser state...boyish tendencies. Even questioning the role of manhood to a certain man can strike at the heart of the already frail pot and send him into regression. Sometimes this comes out as anger, to the person who did it, the world, even God. Sometimes this comes out fear and shyness. A man is not made to hide in the corner with a blanket, (although some would like them to be there) a man is made to standout, and to come through in crunch time, to be the hero that we all know he was made to be.

As I look into myself I see some parts of my history that have shaped me as who I am. I remember a time my Dad said that I should not be in wrestling because it would screw up my neck and other potential stuff, even though it was my only sport I wanted to be in. (Football was out of the question as well.) There is more to the story but I am keeping it short. I have since then question the activities that I have done base on whether or not it would be "safe" for me to do. I see the hesitancy in myself with challenges that come into my life and how it has created a path to where I am today, job I have, what I do and not do for fun.

Since knowing this I am seeing opportunities that I have missed and missing because of that insecurity of choosing the "right" path according to my hurt and not wanting to hurt again. This thought and action limits myself in the perspective of relation to God and what I do for Him. I feel like I have been changing my life since coming to this realization and changing my own paradigm, and I feel more a live in a way, also I feel a tug at the same time trying to pull me back to my old habit of safeness with life choices.

I am saying all of this to get you guys to start thinking about what hurt has affected you through your life. I mentioned a small incident, but it has had some larger effects throughout my life. Take a look a and reflect, don't worry about how big or how small it was, look at how it has changed your life, and run it through the course of your history. What has this done to your view of God and how has it hindered it.